GET PSYCHO

Stop putting stuff in your AIM profiles about your significant others.

2006-02-27T04:14:30Z

I’m tired of looking at peoples AIM profiles and seeing things about their boyfriend/girlfriend. If someone has your screen name, chances are they know you well enough to realize the guy/girl you are always with is someone you’re involved with. No need to waste my bandwidth with <3s. But nothing says I’m whipped and have sold out on your testicles like letting your significant other put “I love you” without even mentioning your name. While I was dating Karin I never let that shit slide.

What really pisses me off is profiles with way too many font colors/background colors in their AIM profiles. Pick a color and be happy. I don’t have anything but the default settings, and it gets the job done fine. It hurts my eyes trying to make out pink on yellow font size 10 profiles. If you want to be special, use fucking italics or something.

But the absolute bottom line here’s there-goes-all-my-self-respect-into-the-blender move is mentioning your significant other in the interests section of your facebook profile. The “interests” section isn’t for things like “Sarah”, “Johnny J” or “Shaniqua”. Its for things like NFL, croquet, or stamp collecting. Not fucking declaring you have no testicles. So men, if you want to prove to your friends you aren’t the total douchebag they are thinking now, crack the whip and get that shit off both your profiles. That’s what the “In A Relationship with ____” is for.

Furthermore, if you actually use facebook to try to pick up girls, you need to seriously reevaluate your game. My roommates girlfriend used to get messages from guys at the black college Virginia Union that were something like “Hey girl, I like what I see, we should get together to know each other better”. I occasionally get messages from random girls who have never met me, but want to meet me. Apart from the embarrassment when I don’t answer, what are these girls thinking?? What does that have to do with AIM profiles? Hell if I know.

people have something about their significant other in their profile. Penis.

I should be President.

2005-12-29T04:27:11Z

President

I should be president. I’m the man. I would regulate. America would be 10x better. I’m 6’5. I’m the Priest Holmes of college rugby. It’s a shame I’ll never get into politics, because I have better things to do.

You might be thinking “Nate would make a terrible president” but I compiled a list of some of the changes you would experience.

1. All red lights mean “yield”. I already implemented this law for myself when there are no other cars around driving at night, but it needs to be nationwide.
2. Pedestrians no longer have the right of way. I hit some guy a year or 2 ago, and it was his dumbass fault. Turning right onto busy street, and looking left for break in traffic, he doesn’t realize I haven’t seen him and walks in front of my car, right as a gap approaches. I left off brake and just start to accelerate a bit and go a few feet and served him. He went tumbling forward, spilled his hot coffee on his hand and just stood there for 3-4 seconds glaring at me. I floored it, not waiting for him to come ask me for my name to sue the shit out of me. No arrests yet.
3. Legalized weed. Who remembers that crazy guy who was running for lieutenant governor while we were in high school and gave out “reeferendum” stickers? That dude was the man. I’m tired of buying Richmond weed laced with PCP and seeing gnomes.
4. Drinking and driving no longer is a crime, so long as you don’t cause an accident. I must have drank and drive over 200 times in my life, and not even come close to an accident.

“Well you are lucky you haven’t hit anyone”

Look dumbasses, if you wanted to make the argument I might level a deer, or something else flying out of the forest, I’ll hear it. But if you think I’m going to wreck a car that is waiting at a stoplight from behind, grow a brain. Just because you have slower reactions, you aren’t blind. I tend to follow every law while drunk, to avoid giving any cops a reason to pull me over, making me a better overall driver.

“OK well I hope you get hit by a drunk driver”

Eat me.

5. Pass a law that men are not allowed to wear pink. God, am I glad I don’t go to UVA.
6. All ABCs in Virginia have 24-7, or allow anyone to sell hard liquor, like 711. None of this closing at 9 bullshit. And the ABC closest to VCU closes at 6… wtf? And why can’t I buy hard liquor on Sunday if you are going to restrict who can sell it??
7. Beer can be bought 24-7. Its such bullshit you can’t buy 24-7. Sure it leads to less beer sales, but why? Mostly college kids would buy beer after midnight. Most college kids buy cheap American beer. = Less revenue for American companies, and taxes off of it. And I can buy latenight 40s after I run out of beer.
8. No speed limits on 3+ lane highways. Sure more people would die, but check this: Total contributions to society of people that die < Total contributions to society with the time saved by others.
9. Drinking age nullified, or at least lowered to 18. All rights need to be given at the age of the draft minimum.
10. Invade Canada. When was the last time Canada did anything other than complain?

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/americas/12/27/canada.crime.ap/index.html

wimps.

11. All women are regulated to being allowed to cry a max of once a month. And no, there will be no unused rollover cries to the next month.

Peanut butter is to jelly as Richmond’s traffic grid is to my taint(aka gooch)

2005-10-24T16:17:38Z

2 miles in 20 minutes. That’s the average time it takes me to and from work downtown going down Carey/Main.

That’s pathetic.

Richmond is such a high class city, they failed to install those handy weight sensors all over northern VA that detect when a car is sitting at a stop light. This is just spectacular trying to drive anywhere, when the you light turns red, you sit there for 45 seconds as no one drives through going the perpendicular direction, then green again.

What’s even better about Richmond is the fine parking selection offered downtown. All the day lots are at least $10. The parking meters have a 2 hour limit, enforced by idiots on mopeds. I’ve gotten tickets parked outside my office even though I would go down and periodically put in more quarters in the meters. Rather than generating revenue for the city, the city would rather force everyone to pack their shit and move their car every 2 hours.

“GRTC me, its so easy!” If anyone has ever tried to drive down Broad or Main during rush hour, you would agree with me that everyones cumulative commute time home would be substantially lowered if those huge multiple lane requiring purple pieces of shit weren’t clogging up the right/middle lanes all the time. They cut people off, stop in the middle of traffic, and if they are passing a car parked on the side of the road suddenly shift ¼ of itself into the middle lane, with no reguard to any cars there. This may sound bad, but the biggest annoyance from the metro system is the advertisements. Black ladies dancing around singing “GRTC me, its so easy!” The entire commercial doesn’t even say anything about the bus service, like fares, locations, or times, but does use sex appeal to get people to ride the bus.

“What else can Nate possibly bitch about” you wonder. If you live in the Fan, you are well aware of the period street cleaning. I’ve been towed twice when signs of street cleaning appeared about 6 hours before they would tow your car. $65 to get that bitch back. Noone gives a fuck about the streets, it’s a cash cow for the city to fund the homeless shelter across from Monroe park that infests VCU with

Floor aftermath

2005-07-22T01:42:16Z

As many of you are aware from nearly breaking your faces, last Halloween my floor fell in. Heres how it turned out(not that anyone gives a shit)

The lease finally ended, and the landlord gave up trying to collect it all.

Cost of new floor = $2600
Total paid = $564 a person = $1692
We are losing security deposit of $1400

$1692 + $1400 = $3092 - $2600 = $492

Damages:
Replacement of 4 windows
15-20 holes in walls repaired over the year
Fence in back yard beat the crap out of
Missing fire alarms
2 Missing air duct covers
No grass in back yard
~100 beer bottle caps in back yard

Served that bitch.

Baseball Sucks

2005-05-26T05:32:19Z

I had the (dis)pleasure of viewing a minor league baseball game the other day. I went in with an open mind, thinking that just because watching baseball on TV is more boring than watching Oprah, going to 1 might be different, much like watching the filming of Oprah was a few years ago.

Wrong.

The same things would happen over and over. The possible events in the game were:
· Strikeout
· Popout
· Batter makes it to first base with 2 outs, then next batter pops out

Watching the teams go inning after inning with an occasional runner making it to base was the most boring thing I’ve ever experienced. I can’t believe the tickets were $6 to watch this. I feel like they should pay me to watch them. I’m glad it was only a shity minor league game, opposed to a more expensive MLB game.

Speaking of MLB, DC just got its own team. Now that the Orioles no longer are the “home” team of DC area, they’ve are the bomb shit for the first time in years. All teams representing DC suck as much as 495 at 5 o’clock on a weekday.

How MLB makes it onto sportcenter amazes me.

I’d rather watch highlights of NFL Europe, WNBA, or even NASCAR than baseball. Why? The highlights of baseball are 3 clips of the runs scoring, where any other sport has plenty more significant events determining the outcome.

Terri Schiavo's Parents. Served.

2005-04-04T03:41:12Z

I can't believe how hard the Schindler's got served. That was amazing. I found this picture on CNN, even they agree.

I'm totally with Michael Schiavo to pull the plug on that bitch. The trick isn't going to recover any time soon, if ever, and he hasn't gotten ass since she collapsed, 15 years ago. He finally got that tricks parents to leave her alone long enough for her to die, and finally he's a free man again. He's most likely bankrupt from keeping her alive for 15 years, and I totally agree with him not sharing ashes with her parents, and not burying her near them.

Even if she did recover, what would you say to her? "Sorry about trying several times over the years to have you killed" The guy is all in.

What was the point of keeping her on life support anyway for so long. To illistrate, I made a list of things Terri has done since 1990, Terri Schiavo has accomplished the following:
1) Generated revenue for hospital
2) Given media something to report when nothing better is happening

I hope more people get a clue and pull plug on veggatables. Especially old people. My parents won't be getting feeding tubes ever if I have anything to say about it.

"But drjibbajabba, do you really want the plug pulled on you? You're ghey lol"
Yes, even if I got rocked tomorrow. Whats the point of keeping people with no hope alive?

In the news, people were gathering outside the hospital and once in awhile someone would try to sprint to the door to "give her water" before they got tazed. I can't believe how dumb these people are... even if they made it to the bed, and did manage to reconnect her IV, as soon as they got maced by the police, it would be re-disconnected. Idiots.

When I heard there were protests, I thought they were going to follow that up with "Everyone was protesting for her parents to shut the fuck up." I almost wanted to drive there and riot until they said the protests were for putting the feeding tube back in. How do these dumbasses manage to breathe?

Nick at it AGAIN

2005-03-06T16:31:54Z

Snoop Dogg: Sellout of the decade.

2005-03-03T05:04:00Z

Snoop dog is officially the sellout of the decade. At one time Snoop was the man. At one time Snoop ruled the rap world. Now Snoop has reduced himself to dubbed over voices of animals in farm movies.

For those unaware, a brief background on Snoop goes like this. After high school he went to jail for drug charges. After becoming a popular Crip gangster, he made his rap debut on Dr. Dre’s The Chronic in 1992. In 1993 he released great selling Doggystyle album, and coped a murder charge. Snoop contined to release albums that had skyrocketing sales and living the thug life so many rappers talk about but then go home to their mansions in LA. Other contributions to society he’s made include a Girls Gone Wild DVD, doggy fizzle televizzle, a wonderful contribution in Old School, and (nearly)Oscar winning flick, Bones.

Now Snoop Doggy Dog plays the voice of a shit eating fly in the recent movie Racing Stripes. I downloaded this movie just because I saw it was a DVDrip, and would be easy to acquire. For kicks I watched 15 minutes, which included snoops part. At first I thought I was hearing things, that in fact snoop dogg wasn’t playing a Fly in this Babe knockoff movie(which also licks my balls). I rewound it several times to make sure I in fact had heard it correctly: he didn’t even manage the part of any more important Animal.

No, it was snoop alright.

I deleted all Snoop Dogg songs off my hard drive in protest.

Could you have predicted this???

Man what a sellout... plus the movie is named after a way to style your pubes. ... ... =(

In other rap news, The Game got kicked out of G-Unit by fity. Not that you know who he is or care.

Formal wear is for suckers

2005-02-12T05:39:18Z

Last weekend I went to a sorority formal at Roanoke College. When preparing for this, wearing a full suit crossed my mind, but then I realized I hated formal wear, and everyone would just be checking their jackets when they got there anyway. Furthermore, people wouldn't be THAT dressed up, its not a funeral.

I rolled into this bitch crunked and without even bothering to tuck my shirt in. I look around and 90% of the fools here are decked out in full tuxedos. What a joke. These cumsluts seemed to think they wore a tux, they might get laid that night. Little do they know they could have spent that $75 on Hennessey it would have increased their chances exponentially.

After 30 minutes or so of dancing I got hot and heres how I looked. Most of the tux fools were dripping in sweat insisting on wearing their tux jacket, or at least their vest. Idiots.

At my job, the setting is "business casual". My first day I notice a co-worker wearing jeans that have the front part bleached, totally thuggdout. I asked if the boss ever complained about his dress. He replied after 10 years of working there he did what I want, and told me my tie was gay. Not suprising he had never gotten a promotion. =(

Letter for the masses.

2005-02-01T03:28:44Z

Since collegehumor.com doesn't think this picture is worth posting, I'll get the job done.
This letter is to a freind of mine

My conschence got the best of me, so I removed 1/2 the joke, but I think the letter is still pretty funny.

A modest review of "Open Water"

2005-01-12T06:12:11Z

I hope the title of this entry wasn't enough to keep you from clicking on it if you haven't already seen the movie, because I just ruined it for you. But don't worry, I just saved you $3 from blockbuster.

For starters, I'll list the good things about this movie:
- sharks eating people

Where on the other hand, some bad things were:
- terrible plot.
- poor acting.
- lack of action.
- scenes that seem to resolve conflict, then before they finish skipping to other scenes, then back to original as if nothing had happened.
- illogical decisions by main characters.
- unresolved conflict.

I can't even begin to enouciate just how shitty this movie is, but I'll try.

The plot of this movie is a couple goes on a vacation. They decide to go scuba diving, and they get left behind due to miscalculations by the scuba diving boat captain. After awhile they get attacked by sharks, and one of them gets bitten, and dies of blood lose(as if the sharks would leave once hes bleeding). The movie ends with the female still floating. I almost thought while I was watching this movie when it ended, it was simply an intermission between discs. The conflict hadn't been resolved.

Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis seem to have trouble displaying emotion. When they surface and theres no boat, the characters don't start to react for at least 15 minutes, when they eventually start yelling at each other "you needed the vacation more so its your fault. I was happy."

All of the action in this movie takes place in a 10-15 minute period. Daniel gets attacked by a shark and gets nibbled on the calf. They couldn't even have had him lose a limb or 2. What kind of budget can't afford some way to have him appear to lose a limb or something? After the attack nothing big happens for 30 minutes, and eventually the guy gets eaten and the movie ends.

Another quam of mine is a scene where a boat seems to be coming straight at them. Then the movie shoots a scene at the hotel of adults people partying. Then back to the people in the water, but no explanation for where the boat is, or why it didn't save them. The characters don't evne make mention to inform the audience of what happened. Did it turn around or sink?

After Daniel is attacked, they see a buoy that they could climb on and be safe from the circling sharks (who fail to attack the bleeding daniel). Rather than try to swim towards it, the characters just hope current pulls them close enough to climb on, and obviously it doesn't.

At the end of the movie, Daniel dies in his wifes hands and she lets him float away. She watches as Daniels body gets eaten. Then she dives into the water.. why? To see if she can see Daniels corpse getting swallowed? Talk about an anticlimax.

By the powers of God, this movie sucks.

drjibbajabba @ 2005-01-01T03:06:00

2005-01-01T08:15:06Z

I don’t even understand the point of resolutions. People set out to fix problems in their life, that were there prior to December 31st. People think “I’m going to start this year off right”, pack the gym and annoy the regulars, and lose 10 pounds, only to gain it back a month later.

Nevertheless, heres my rundown on my “resolutions”
1. Back in middle school and early high school I used to have a wicked 6 pack. I’m still skinny, but not at the 5% body fat cutness that I used to sport. I'm aiming for this around beach season, because if I said for 12 months theres a 1% chance it would happen

2. Finish getting ripped. I always lift for 3-4 months, take a break for 3 months for whatever reason, then lift for another 3-4. Breaks include working manual labor jobs, injuries from rugby, and general laziness. I’m ranking myself as “built” but not “ripped”.
3. Get a job. I owe so much money to so many people. Heres where $800 is going…

Note the condoms scattered. Someone tried to have sex in middle of party in middle of dance floor? Wouldn’t surprise me.

4. Spend less time at home. I’m tired of Ruby taking so long to get to the point. I’m tired of being called constantly to find out where I am, and when I’ll be home. I had a tragic childhood of a lack of freedom/private school. Plus I got raped. By Dead Prez:

5. MCSA (Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator) by this fall. That’s a computer certification. “Your such a computer nerd” yea well if your in college you’re a business/premed/math/psychology/music/education nerd. A guy at my brothers office has a MCSD(Microsoft Certified Solutions Developer), hasn’t graduated from high school, has no college, and makes 6 figures. How’s that for an incentive.

6. Forget absolutely everything I learned in discrete math class. Enough said.

Short on gift ideas for your significant other? Give the gift of adultery

2004-12-25T05:35:50Z

Yesterday while trying to enjoy some Christmas music, a certain song came on and I’ve never been more offended. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. How is this adultery promoting song a Christmas hit?? If you’re unfamiliar with the song, here are the lyrics:

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked
up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then
I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh
what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night

WTF. Nothing makes my jolly like thinking about mom cheating on dad. With someone old and fat. Then, if kissing alone wasn’t offensive enough, “I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus”. If you’ve never heard this song, you wouldn’t know there is a significant pause before the singer goes onto the next line, leaving where Mommy tickled Santa. His old crusty immortal ballsack? Not only does this song promote adultery, it makes it appear OK. When considering if the mother was caught, “what a laugh it would be…” Please! I’ve never been more offended than by a song. Furthermore, this song promotes irresponsibility of parents in letting their kids run around when they should be in the goddamn bed. “O what does it matter if little Benjamin gets out of bed?” the matter is that he’ll be scared for life watching his mom make out with another man. If that’s not enough, the man she’s making out with is fat and has a horrible fashion sense. In fact why is Santa fat and so out of fashion? He is supposed to bring clothes to children…I don’t want some more stupid shit to use as a cum rag. When was the last time bright red suits were cool. Perhaps Santa needs to hit up UVA, where brightly colored clothing is quite the rave. In fact its encouraged to pop a collar on a pink or light red shirt. There are facebook categories at my school dedicated solely to anti UVAism, anti popped collars, and against pink/plaid shorts. If Santa wanted to hit up the football game, he could just take off his furry suit and borrow someone’s shirt and tie. When you go to a game you should be getting dirty. Last game I was at I had a beer in my hand, and when I saw a nice hit, flung my hands in the air sending the 2-3 oz onto the frat faggots behind me who had arrived to the game straight from Men’s Wearhouse. Man I hate UVA. What does this have to do with Christmas? Hell if I know.

Pimps of 2004.

2004-12-17T02:36:15Z

10. George Bush. Despite everyone seeming to hate him for invading Iraq, he still got his ass elected. Even though for the past 4 years his grasp of the english language is laughable. Even though his daughter got caught with a fake. Even though people voted for Kery simply because he wasn't Bush, not because they liked Kerry.

9. Brad Pitt. His wife is smoking, and he was a pimp in Troy. Some people didn't like this movie, but I gave it a B+. The fight scenes are legitimate, and with "war" movies like Alexander out, Troy's stock goes up. Brad Pitt does a great job in Fight Club, and I think thats the only reason hes actually on this list. Otherwise my uncultured ass wouldn't even know who he was.

8. Tiger Woods. Noone has a hotter wife. Other than that, this black youngster continues to dominate a sport normally dominated but fat old white guys.

7. Willis McGahee. Despite his homosexual name, this guy is a stud. For those unfamiliar, Willis McGahee is the started RB in buffalo. In 2002 he torn 3 knee ligaments in the national title college game, lowering his top 5, multimillion draft pick to a 2nd rounder, for much less. After sitting out in rehab for a year, Willis became obviously better than former starter Travis Henry and made it clear through news conferences. But Henry started over McGahee for the first part of the season. After he got injured, McGahee came in and has scored 9 TDs in 7 games. Argueably a top 10 RB in the league.

6. Justin Timberlake. I hate his music/fashion/demeanor, but the fact he flashed Janet Jackson' tits at the whole super bowl audience and got off calling a "wardrobe malfunction" is worth pimp status. I can't believe he hasn't gotten his ass kicked.

5. Eminem. After defeating Benzino over rap beef, M continues to rock the charts. Encore is selling well, and he still is the only white rapper worth mentioning. He got arrested again this year, but no prison because hes the man. He made fun of Michael Jackson. Cmon, you gotta respect that.

4. Ron Artest. Noone is harder than this NBA punkass. He's turned the entire professional sports world upside down with his recent battery of fans. He plays hard even after the game is lost, or playoffs out of sight. My role model.

3. James Gandolfini. Hes the star of The Sopranos, who had another money season earlier this year. Even if hes never fought 1 person in his life and is completely law abidding, hes a pimp. He has sex with so many girls on the show, and kills people for looking at him funny. Proof why the mafia worked.

2. Ray Lewis. Although its quite possible Ray Lewis is still a virgin, he's a solid #2 pimp. He encompasses everything that is masculine. He gets off with murder like a champ, and is a pro bowl selection for sure. If you ever heard the game last season of him mic'd up, you'd understand just how intense this man is. Not to mention the Baltimore Ravens defence is argueably best in the league. I <3 Ray.

1. Anyone whose ever been on MXC. This show is funnier than the family guy. Asians are less athletic than my mom. I never stop laughing when I watch this show, especially the event when they roll down the boulders and the contestants try to climb uphill and avoid them in the tunnel. Another good even is having the asians pick a door to run through, that some are paper, some are concrete. Pure genius.

Honorable Mention:
Osama bin Laden for continueing to elude the US, or at least as far as the gov't is admitting.
Sadam Hussein for living in a hole.
Ali Ahmad for doing a 360 in his drug life (and thats not giving it up)
NHL for striking.
Bubb Rub. Nough said.

Aristotle, Newton owns you.

2004-12-10T09:01:46Z

Physics Genius or Professor Obvious?

1 of Aristotle's laws of motion is:
The speed of falling is proportional to the weight of the object. Heavier things fall faster.

Analysis of law: Aristotle apparently couldn't find a palm tree in Thrace to drop 2 things down from. ANY expirament of this over a few feet would show its not true. but hey, I'm reguarded as smart so maybe if I announce this noone will double check for the next 2000 years.

My beef with Aristotle is that he gets to be a historical figure when he didn't do anything. All he did was observe stuff, and write it down but he didn't even do that right. Had I been corn 2500 years ago, I could have just tested any of his theories and become world famous.

This post isn't even that funny and its 4 am. But someone needs to call Aristotle out on this... his "works" are full of shit.

On another note, if anyone cares my crib should be throwing down Friday the 17th. My floor is almost done. I owe my landlord $833. Sometime in the spring Jake is going to schedule a move from his company and I'm gonna drop the team an email to see how many we can get out to help, and donate proceeds to my floor fund.

Dickinson is a bitch.

2004-12-07T02:03:00Z

I hate bitches. I was sitting next to one in the library today, and she had to be one of the biggest ever. Her fellow bitchy freinds would walk by occasionally and start complaining to each other about whatever stupid shit was on their mind. After 2 hours of this I could practically tell you this bitches life story, and relocated, but I did learn that:

1) Bitches have no decency to keep conversations to important things even though everyone else is quiet doing work. Bitches like to talk loudly and pessimistically.

2) Bitches get angry if the school denies whatever b.s. medical problem they had(breaking a bone or something), and doesn't let them drop classes after the withdraw deadline. The consequential "F" that might bring them down from Supa Cum Laude is worth mention to every freind that happens to walk by. Apparently, being a broken boned bitch doesn't imply you should be require to goto class.

3) The bitch's professor recently changed a semester long project that is due in 2 weeks, and the bitch had finished hers 2 weeks ago because bitches like to be on top of academics. Guess why its due during finals at the end... because noone reasonable will work on it during the semester. However, this doesn't warrant emailing like 10 superiors about it, provsts and whatnot.

4) Bitches take 21 credits, which is 2 credits over the regular full time limit, and that consequently goes over the scholarship that lets them attend to free. The fee is like $300, but despite you goto VCU for free already its worth mentioning to all friends that walk by.

5) Bitches write slowly. In fact, a paper assigned earlier this semester is going to take at least 8 hours from now. Why 8 hours? because I talk so much to my freinds.

6) (Some) Bitches like to write poetry. I hate one bitch who likes poetry in particular. Emily Dickinson.

All my life people refer to Emily Dickinson as the Michael Jordan of poetry. That her poetry is going to make me shit myself. That her poetry puts even the phattest 2pac song to shame.
Now that we've reached the Emily Dickinson unit in my American Literature class, I want to choke a bitch. This shit is terrible, and makes me want to puke/cry/get psycho. Dickinson uses more complex, thought requiring to decipher metaphors than any other poet we've covered in this class. I thought Walt Whitman was bad with 2-3 pages of sparknotes per poem, thats nothing. Dickinson works a good average of 5 pages per rabble. Did someone give her money for this poetry? Why on earth would you publish this, and much less why would anyone care. I don't have time to sit around trying to analyze wtf is going on in these poems. Think I'm full of shit? Hers an excerpt of a poem we covered today:

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant-
Sucess in Circuit lies
Too bright for out infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As lighting to the Children eased
... blah blah blah

Does anyone know what this means? Does anyone care? Is my post college career going to be better off if I knew what this meant? No. No. No.

Dickinson = big blubbering vagina.

Discrete Math

2004-12-03T00:02:56Z

Discrete math is possibly the most useless topic ever thought up. Imagine what could have been thought up if these thoughts had been directed at a more useful topic? nuclear power in the 1800s? Ways to prevent the great depression? Completely electric powered cars?

Not everyone is familiar with what discrete math. Calling it a math is deceiving, as learning it reminds me more of learning a new language. Here is am example of a test question: Prove for all integers n>=1, 2^(2n-1) is divisble by 3. Honestly who gives 2 shits...

My class of at one time 30 is down to about 20. The teacher gives tests too long and everyone has trouble finishing before the teacher for the next class kicks us out. He also is softer than butter, and feels bad failing everyone so offers test corrections, extra credit, and curves tests. Plus he wears suspenders.

I don't get why people even thought this retarded shit up. Was someone paying them? Hope my taxes don't goto bullshit like that, but it wouldn't suprise me - it already goes to bullshit. I think the fact that 170 million is spent on abstience efforts alone is ridiculous, reguardless if its true information or not.

In a certain town there is a male barber who shaves all those men, and only those men, who do not shave themselves. Does the barber shave himself?

Yes? if he shaves himself he is a member of the class of men who shave themselves. But no member of this class is shaved by the barber, and so the barber does not shave himself.

No? if he does not shave himself, be belongs to the class of men who do not shave themselves. The barber shaves every man in this class, so the barber does shave himself.

{implodes}

Homeless

2004-11-30T05:56:18Z

I hate homeless people more than anything. Old people included. Richmond is teaming with homeless people that love to annoy students on campus. Unbeknownst to them, VCU students are generally poor. University of Richmond clocks in at 40 Gs a year, a short walk across town. You'd think homeless would annoy people who can afford a school like that.

Theres 1 homeless motherfucker in particular that spawned my anger. While walking down my street to class the other day one was "walking" toward me from the other direction. Quoting "walking" is appropriate, as it was more of an extremely slow limp. As I approached him he started talking some indistinguishable garble in my direction, and steped into my path. Reaching out his unclean hand to shake mine and continued to utter indistingable language in my direction. No stranger to homeless dying for my attention, I went to do my usual walking around of them, that is identical to that in Office Space.

As I made the move, he grabbed my arm and clenched for a second. With my deadly black eye I stared at him for a second or 2 with a ready to slit your throat face before he left go. Who has that kind of nerve. That guy must get slugged in the face daily, if thats his begging technique.

Furthermore, theres homeless at every major stoplight yelling or beating on a pail or whatever stupid shit they pull. The only guy I ever give money to is the clever one with a huge beard that says "WHY LIE? I NEED A DRINK". Thats alot more beliveable than the girl with the "Single mom and pregnant"... nice try I remember that from last year and you're still not plump. The last significant bum is the one who has a "Bush = Hitler" sign at broad and belvidere. Offending people politically has to be a great incentive for them to give you $.

Lastly walking through monroe park promises at least one request for money. I generally answer I'm as broke as them. A few refuse to believe me and continue to pester me "cmon man I'm on the streets" or "You can afford those nice shoes and not 25 cents"(note: I sport walmart shoes regularly). Get a job.

drjibbajabba @ 2004-11-29T23:13:00

2004-11-30T04:13:11Z

Editors Note: This poem is actually from the comedy series "Bum Fights". Its read by a homeless man at a open mic night whose audience included children and elderly. So stop bitchin

this poem is called lover
festering pussy hole I pump, pump, pump at you
be kind leave me no disease
I lust til' my days are gone
festering pussy hole
black juice from your ass covers my mouth and face
penis, dick, cock, pussy, cum
I kick and punch and fuck bloody baby's pussy
eat my dick you ungrateful whore
killing pussy eater at night in the full moon
asswhole fungus infected maggots, pussy, cock
I'll miss you.

Army of Darkness.

2004-11-29T07:10:00Z

Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

Army of Darkness is easily the best movie I've ever witnessed. This 90 minute movie combines everything that guarentees a good movie.
- Chainsaws replacing lost hands.
- A trick that doesn't understand "pillow talk"
- Chainsaws cutting off heads
- Walking skelatons
- Unexplained events, such as where Ash's shotgun is in the scene in the well, but he has after he climbs out on his back
- People getting run over
- Martial Arts
- Battle scenes

Bruce Campbell's career peaked on this movie, now in a valley as a main character on "Two and a half men". The exhuberant scene of the midgets of him nearly won the movie the "Best Scene Award" from the Oscars. The innovativeness of the camera being mounted to arrows as they are fired makes me nut everytime I see it.

Some disagree claiming this isn't a good movie. However, they also thought I, Robot was good, as well as think LOTR 3's ending wasn't drawn out. I was pissed by the end of LOTR 3 b/c all action finished, and it took them another 30-45 minutes to finish all the plots. Eat me.

Preface.

2004-11-19T00:01:08Z

There is an obvious void in the livejournal community of funny posts, and being a fairly funny person I feel compelled to attempt to fil it.

To illistrate this void, here are some random excerpts from "recent posts" from the livejournal homepage...

dharmaticbum:
I paid attention and listened in my folklore class today! Who'd've thought. For some reason, I was quite awake today and was interested in what El-Shamy was saying.

korns_child:
hello y'all whats new n2m here just being bored as fuck lol ne ways i got a new coat today its black lol suprise suprise lol but it has white stipes lol ne ways i learned how to deal with stress today in p.d and i tryed meditating lol it was great i was so relaxed i wanna learn how to hipnotize myself lol that would be sooooo fun lol i could hipnotize other people and make them think that i was someone famous lol!

jbeeney:
I'm bored and hungry. I wish it were time to leave. I'd like to go home and watch TV or something. But noooooooo. Matt took the best picture ever today. I will horde it to myself because I'm not in a sharing kinda mood. Hah!

Why do these people exist? These posts are lamer than Chrisopher Reeve legs... On the same topic the "curse of superman" is b.s. and anyone who raises an eyebrow at that needs to evaluate their intelligence. Reeve thinks he found a "new meaning in life" after breaking his back, his "old" life must have been pathetic. Furthermore, he claims hes "living life to the fullest"... does anyone else see a problem? I'm sure Reeve enjoys playing golf, pogo stick, bowling, having sex, and being a "man of steel" while his legs don't work.